From Camellia to Catnip: When It's Tea if You Believe Hard Enough

From Camellia to Catnip: When It's Tea if You Believe Hard Enough

By Herb Infusion, Senior Beverage Imaginist

Great news for tea lovers in 2025! Struggling to keep up with those demanding tea drinkers while tea leaves become harder to source? Fear no longer, because according to the latest industry guidelines, if you can pour boiling water on it and it doesn't immediately induce a trip to the ER, congratulations—it's officially tea.

Tea traditionalists—those sticklers who insist tea must come exclusively from Camellia sinensis plants—have expressed outrage. In response, industry regulators helpfully advised them to try "believing harder."

"Look, tea is a state of mind," said Lavender Chamomile, spokesperson for the new inclusive tea movement. "We live in an era of flexibility. Today's 'tea' might be yesterday's garden mulch, but sprinkle some lemon peel on it, meditate for three minutes, and it's indistinguishable from Darjeeling."

Thanks to these loose definitions, catnip tea, once relegated to the desperate shelves of eccentric cat owners, now enjoys prime placement at upscale tea houses. "Honestly, it's got notes of, uh, grassy undertones? Possibly aromatic whiskers?" said one hesitant tea sommelier, nervously eyeing a group of particularly discerning felines sampling the day's special.

The consumer response has been nothing short of revolutionary. Backyard gardens nationwide are being raided for dandelions, clover, and the occasional questionable mushroom. Meanwhile, social media is abuzz with influencers promoting "locally-sourced sidewalk chicory," and DIY tutorials demonstrating how to transform wilted lettuce into a detoxifying "green tea."

Not everyone is pleased with this leafy liberation. Camellia sinensis purists have organized tea-sipping protests, gently clinking china cups filled with traditional oolong, murmuring their battle cry: "If it's not Camellia, you're steeped in lies."

But the inclusive tea movement is undeterred. "Think of it as democratizing beverages," Chamomile explained passionately. "If your herbal stew doesn't poison anyone, then welcome to the world of artisanal tea. After all, who decides what's tea? Your taste buds or your imagination?"

As we boldly move into this brave new world of tea flexibility, the line between botanical beverage and compost soup grows ever thinner. But take heart: as long as there's hot water, a sprinkle of imagination, and minimal immediate bodily harm, every leaf and twig can finally achieve its destiny—as tea.